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Titulo: How to become friends with people

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Publicado: Sunday 19 de April de 2026, 08:32 Hello, Guest! Article about how to become friends with people: Never underestimate the power of simply reaching out. How to Be a Good Friend, Not Just an Acquaintance. These five useful approaches can help you move past being a casual acquaintance. GO TO SITE Key points. Making friends is like learning to play a piano—the more hours you put in, the better you get. You’ll be regarded as a better friend if you put away the cell phone and be an attentive listener. Simply reaching out to make contact is appreciated more than most of us might guess. Across societies around the world, a key feature of friendship is helping one another out. The author with his two friends Bob Cialdini and Steve Neuberg, laughing over one of hundreds of meals they have shared over several decades, they were of course once strangers. What would you be doing if you were trying to find meaning in life? When Jaimie Krems, Becca Neel, and I asked 565 men and women that question, the most common response was that a meaningful life would involve spending time with friends. And when Dunigan Folk and Elizabeth Dunn analyzed the results of 48 rigorously conducted studies on happiness, the data revealed that spending more time with friends was one of the most reliable predictors of happiness. Close friends are connected to a happy and meaningful life. But what if you’ve recently moved to a new place, taken a new job, your closest friends have all gone off to college, and you’re not naturally extraverted? Is there anything you can do to make stronger connections with other people who can be so important to enhancing your positive feelings and meaning in life? In my last post, I discussed three techniques for breaking the ice: for moving from being a complete stranger to being a familiar acquaintance. But mere acquaintances are unlikely to be the source of deep personal fulfilment, we need a few real friends. Psychologists have conducted thousands of studies of the features people find desirable in friends (such as similarity), the personality traits associated with having fewer or more friends (such as social anxiety), and the psychological consequences of loneliness and isolation. But those studies don’t usually explicitly spell out the practical advice about how, the specific approaches people can use to move from social isolation through initial acquaintance to close friendship. If you dig, you can find a few useful strategies buried in all that research. Here are five of them: Spend time together. Jeffrey A. Hall surveyed 429 people who had recently moved over 50 miles from their previous residence. They were asked to name someone they had met since moving, and to report on the number of hours they had spent with that person. For every 10 hours spent together, there was approximately a 4 percent increase in the likelihood of calling that person a friend rather than a casual acquaintance. People began to move from acquaintance to casual friend after spending around 30 hours together. It took at least 140 hours together to become a close friend, and it takes at least 300 hours together before someone is defined as a best friend. It also mattered what people did during those hours together. Hall found that small talk (about sports, TV, or pets, for example) was not as good a predictor of becoming friends as what he called “striving” conversations—including catching up on what’s been happening to one another, discussions about serious or personal topics, playful joking around, or expressions of attention and affection. Be a responsive listener. What if you are having one of those striving conversations, perhaps about something that happened to you at work yesterday, and the person you are talking to keeps glancing down at their cell phone? It’s unlikely you will look forward to the next conversation with them. Yohsuke Ohtsubo and colleagues found that when you are paying attention to what your conversation partner is saying, they feel understood, accepted, and cared for. How do you make it obvious you are paying attention? Making appropriate eye contact is one signal. Simply moving in synch with the other person (nodding when they do, or adopting a complementary posture) increases the chances that they'll feel similar to you, and enjoy the conversation (Chartrand and Bargh, 1996). Open up. In a series of studies, Charles Truax and Robert Carkhuff found that the best psychotherapists were perceived by their clients as genuine (or authentic), empathetic (understanding and sharing the client’s feelings), and respectful (in the sense of accepting the client unconditionally and nonjudgmentally). The same is true of good friends, except that, unlike a therapeutic relationship, friendships are completely reciprocal. Before you can genuinely accept one another, you need to disclose important things about yourselves. Valerian Derlega and colleagues found that, when people do not know one another well, they tend to match the other person’s level of self-disclosure. How to become good friends How to become friends with a guy you barely know How to become best friends with a guy How to become close friends How to become friends with a celebrity

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